24 Premieres in the Oblong Office…


24, featuring Jack Bauer, Episodes 1 & 2

White House, Oval Office… 24 has just ended on its first cliffhanger of the season. The Pres and pressman Stony No and VP of Vice sit amidst the baked rubble of broken pretzels…

Pres: I want everyone in the Situation Room!… We have a situation.

VP: How’d I look?

Pres: Huh? Now Stony, who’s behind thiis? We’re supposed to driving this war on terror. Did that look like me as President?

Stony No: It was just a television program

Pres, a look of genuine surprise on his face: ?

Stony No: … Now look, we got you on 60 minutes.

Pres: 60 minutes. 60 minutes! How’d they get 24 hours?! Hunh? Stony?

Stony No: It’s only a drama, Mr President. It’s not some reality TV show, you know. Honestly, I don’t see the big fuss here.. Nobody believes that’s what the war on terror looks like. In reality.

Pres, reprising his look of genuine surprise on his face: ?

VP: I thought we were the reality TV show.

Stony, with sarcasm: Well, yes, Mick, we’re all your reality show, yes. It’s just a bit, well, dark, for television.

Pres, confused, finger in ear: Whatsat? Uh. Listen, I-I don’t know how we’re going to get through tomorrow.

Stony Snow: We’ll spin it. No problem.

Pres: Spin it? Just tape it! I mean, isn’t it on that Tee-vo thing? There are ways of getting tapes into the screening room you know (Pres waves a victory salute and attempts to shake his jowls in an impersonation of one of his predecessors, and some would say, kindred spirits, departing the White House lawn)… I’m not going to wait all day like everybody else….

Stony muttering to himself: Should have thought of that before you got your war on.

VP: Eh, now, uh, I get credit for that (finger swaggering in the air)

…(a pregnant, or is it abortive, silence)….

VP: Well look, the government handled it pretty well. I think we looked in charge. Lays the foundation for our domestic…

Pres, fumbling with his earphone: I’m sorry Mick, I didn’t catch that.

Stony: …spying, Mick? Domestic spying program program? To be frank, having you appear during commercial breaks wasnt, exactly, reassuring…

…Pres with his fingers in his ears, custom earbuds hanging from wires now twisting about his head

VP, giving Snow the eye of silence, makes a zipping motion across his mouth and nods in the Pres’s general direction…

Pres, his earphone back in place: What’s this? What are you talking about here? Sorry, my earphones fell out there for a second. You know I can’t hear you without it in. Mickl. … Now where were we? I want to see the next episode now. Stony, can’t you call Fox or something?

VP: I feel a hunting trip coming on…

Stony: Now Mick. No.

Pres: Oh wait fellas. I think I can get it on this iPlod thing.

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