My fantasy football ending… Directed by the Coen brothers and featuring John Turturo as a struggling author engaged in a self-destructive attempt to write a B soccer picture for a major Hollywood studio, while taking copious quantities of mind-altering psychopharmaceuticals and leaning at just the right angle towards a flat panel broadcast of ESPN’s cup coverage, peering, at a remove from reality but just right to get shown the light, the light of inspiration…
sees, in his mind’s altered eye, the ending of a begining, or the beginning of an ending….
the German cup team at a forgettable mid-western bowling alley… Brazilian soccer great, Mcronaldonaldin-YO!, in purple Ronald McDonald jumpsuit, fingers thrust to the center of a bowling ball patterned in the new 14 panel black and white that suggests, just a bit, the yin-yang opposition of light and dark that he suspects will set the stage for a turn to dispensing Black and White cards during the next cup, to be hosted in a preterite South Africa….
John Goodman, donning white soccer uniform of the Gemran national team, armband on his thick fleshy and very unexercised bicep vaguely suggesting the Hakenkreuz, another Asian motif intended originally to suggest world peace but having been assimilated and misinterpreted by colonial buffoons pacing the South Indian shoreline, hands to brows, on the lookout for the unlikely return of galleons not outfitted with lateen rigging and so entirely dependent on the trade winds blowing the right direction, that is, quite well and truly fucked….
“Don’t mess with the Jesus” –Turturro
[ Brazilian, played by John Turturro to German, played by John Goodman ] …
“I’ll show you ze life off ze mind!”
[ Goodman, dribbling towards goal, pitch exploding into flames all about him, a shrieking brazilian team desperately running away in wrestling pajamas, cosell clutching a typewriter by his side and jamming his boom mike into ronaldo’s face, jackie stewart in the box shouting “grrreat game” with his irish sidekick pitching in “crackin!”, eric wynalda tied to an aeron chair with x’s and o’s scrawled in chalk on the floor indicating the american announcer’s last moves as the announcer’s booth was recaptured in one last ditch effort to save the profession from an undeserved and premature fade to black……….]